I'm pretty excited to turn 19.  I'm kidna sad in a way too though.  I guess I'll just sleep on sunday.  It's the first birthday I'm not having a party.  Don't take this as oh look at me, I'm spoiled and I alwasy get parties, waaaa.  My birthday is the one thing I get super in to each year.  I plan the parties.  I pay for them, and I have a great time.  Theres no one to spen it with this year.  Most of my friends changed and aren't my friends anymore.  The other few have they're own lives involving boyfriends, girlfriends and they're other friends. 

I won't lie.  It's depressing as hell.

I can't have the luau at Dawn's becuase she has a huge blood clot on her leg the size of a golf ball, Charlie has a mass of substance in his lungs, all the kids are burnt crispy from camping, and me, well I'm here, at this thing, wondering what happened to my good past couple months.

Nothing lasts forever I suppose.

I miss you Aunt Rita.  More than I could every have imagined missing you before I lost you.  Every year you would call me on my birthday bright and early to be the first one to wish me well.  This year, I won't get that call and it breaks my heart.  I miss your little routines and quirks.  I miss the way you click your nails and laugh so hard you can barly stand it. 

I learned so much of the way I am from you and now I'm scared it will all go away with you.

Happy Birthday Jeci.

7-11-85

According to a recent aired disscussion, most if not all potititions believe and have announced that in order for a canidate to win this years presidency, he MUST win the state of Ohio...

The thing that scares me is that the majority of Bush supporters I have spoken with will cast they're vote for because he wants homosexual marriage completly outlawed and or because he wants to illegalise abortion. 

Bush wants to run this country based on his biblical morals while he ignore the American people and they're true needs for jobs, educations, and healtcare.  I beg anyone reading to to join the fight against Bush and help Kerry to win Ohio's votes for the better of this country.

Thanks and have a great day everyone.

If you support Bush, I ask you give the bennifit of the doubt and visit www.johnkerry.com.

Read his mission statements, watch his ads.  Give America a chance instead of voting us down the drain.

Aww me...

Can I be 2 again and think the world is huge and amazing.

"My methaphores are nothing more than a poetic of way for you to look at your life."
 
How much of me can you remember?

Life has been different than I ever remember it being before. Everything around me is pretending to grow up. I'm not. I won't lie. I work and pay bills, but I'm having the tiem of my life. Simple things are the most fufilling. Like that fact that I don't have to spend a dime to have a great night. The fact that camping is beeter than a 4 star hotel, the fact that people have told me they admire me. That's the most amazing feeling in the world.

For so long I would lie in bed at night smothered by all the pain around me. It pulled me deeper and deeper in to a life that isn't mine.

I would regret things every day. Things from years before. I can't think of a more pointless existance.

In order to break free of a path leading me no where but another year of highschool, I cut just about every sting there was in my life and just let myself fall in to the arms of whoever wanted to catch me. Some of the strangest arms popped out of nowhere, but when they did, I tied a new string.

I can honestly say out of the many stings I let loose, there are a simple few that are made of gold. Stings I never want to lose. With my birthday in a week and 19 approching when 18 was just yesterday I've decided to take back what is mine.

You know who you are, and you guys know I love you for being just that. I want and need you guys in my life. Hopefully, you'll be there. Some of you, know who you arent, my how things change.

Love and Sex in a Bottle, Jeci

Did You Know? -for the day...

Worthington schools don't allow they're students to wear any type of thick wrist or arm band.  The reason...  The staff does not want students who self-injure to hide this aspect of they're lives.  They have a new method of picking out and hospitalising all self harming students...

They'll do whatever it takes.  Don't you love how far censorship has gone.

I'm really getting in to the new kitchen design.  I'm going retro.  I suppose everyone and they're brother is all yay for retro right now, but i couls care less.  I found great kithen and dining room furniture and such already.  I'm stoked.

Table and booths

Table and Chairs

Urban Dishes

I think the dishes are my favorite.  I've had my eye on them for awhile.

Happy Birthday Brina!!!

Good week overall.  Starting watching Sarah at Merry’s.  She’s an awesome kid.  Spent yesterday, and will spend the rest of today at Dawn’s.  Arica is here now going through everything in my room.  Crazy kid. 

Tiffany stopped by Tuesday night.  Amber and Kevin were with her.  I got to give her the graduation monkey and coffee mug.  I have a smiley face.  It’s great.

Ha.  I’m listening to the tape Justin made on my little recorder 2 winterims ago.

Dude, my birthday is in 15 days.  We’re having a luau at Dawn’s according to Arica…  Woo.  Go Hawaiian type parties!

Oh man, this is officially the end.  I need to go.  Yum for mocha frapichino smoothies.

Ever have one of those moments where your thinking about someone you haven't for the longest time and then suddenly your phone rings and it's their name on the caller ID?

"I don't wanna be anything other that what I've been trying to be lately...  All I have to do is think of me and my peice of mind."

It amazing how things work out.  How people end up.  The dreams that actually come true.

Baby sat Ruby again today.  Was suppose to be there Monday through Friday.  Then Friday got knocked off.  So it was 4 days.  Told Brooke I would do it for $25 a day.  Turns out, she is suppose to start camp tomorrow.  Brooke being the rock star she is gave full pay anyway.  $100 for two days of chillin...  Word.

Start watching Sarah next week.  $120 for 2 days a week rocks.  Merry is awesome, so Sarah has to be jsut as great.  She said she went out and bought a pool for they're back yard.  She miscalculated and thought it was 9 foot in accross.  Turns out it's 18 and 4 foot deep.  I'm fuckin stoked.

Speaking of Merry, she and Kenny came to graduation.  Jerry gave them the tickets Eileen sent to Mimosa.  I was happy to see them.

This is a good conversation...

"I'm surrounded by liars, everywhere I turn.  I'm surrounded by impostors, everywhere I turn, I'm surrounded by identity crisis, everywhere I turn.  All I wanna notice, I can be the only one whos learned."

I dance in the light the world has forgotten...

Family reunion today out in Logan.  Went to Kim's house again.  Huge pond... Full of snapping turtles.  Wrote a song at the pond 4 years ago.

Chandler is so big now.  Running around like a mad cow.  Mooooooooooooooooooooooo.............

After we left, Uncle Jim, Juli, Chandler and I went over to AshCaves which is like 20 minutes form Kims.  It was fuckin beautiful.  This cave is just an enormous rock that domes up and out at the top.  One section has a waterfall and a "water hole" beneath it.  Like 3 foot deep in teh middle max.  The waterfall was about 90 foot up.  God it was amazing.

We climbed all teh stairs up to the top of the cave to walk the top trail.  Walked for a while, drank out of the stream.  Talk about perfect water.  The stream was at a crossing in the trail and led down to become the water fall. 

Stayed there for like 2 hours...

Got back to Uncle Jim and juli's house, fixed their computer, ate dinner, watched redneck comedy. (I'm moving to the country)

Filled opt my apps.  Start for Brooke tomorrow, Merry next Thursday, Sandy this week, Mary kelly at some point soon.  Wal-Mart in 2 weeks, and Max and Erma's in 3.  Going to Myrtle Beach for a week the week right before my birthday.  First party's at Dawns I decided.  Second is at the river. 

Start school in 2 months. 

Today was awesome and overly-eventful.

Good night sweet world.

-Jess

For every girl, there is that guy that can make you a better dancer than Julliard’s finest, a more talented poet than any of the Bohemians, and more beautiful than faces in the magazines.  With one smile, one touch, one kiss, they can break every barrier to you heart, and wrap your soul around the strands of their hair.

An unexpected kiss goodnight and you dance about like a gypsy once his car pulls away.  You experience the most blissful and sacred feeling in life.  Freedom.  Free from yourself, from life’s boundaries, nothing matters except his smile, you can’ see anything but his eye.

Do they know?  Can they even imagine the power they hold over us?  What would happen if men could see the way they make the woman who dreams of him while she’s awake feel when she goes to sleep.  The giddy feeling we get as we clench our pillows and bite our lips. 

The world grows more hazy with each kiss.  Situations over-power emotions and feelings mean nothing to those afraid to cry.  No one will admit how much they miss the feeling of complete dependency.  In a world where you must ask before you take, and look before you leap, the walls are padded.  Pain is only skin deep, and memories reflect our dreams.

Life means nothing if you don’t enjoy it.  Do they know what they do?  Who they are?  What they can make us…

I am the luckyist girl currently in the world.

Period.

Don't wanna grow up, I wanna get out, take me away...

Oh man, 4 days.  I need to buy a skirt.  I don't have anything nice enough for graduation really.

Ekphastic poetry is weird.  Just so everyone knows...

Sometimes I get that overwhelming feeling.
So sad, the faces on tv.
If I tried to make a difference, would it help anyway?
But then I stop and to myself I say..

So you wanna change the world?
What are you waiting for?
Say you're gonna start right now.
What are you waiting for?
It only takes one voice.
So come on now and shout it out.
Give a little more,
What are you waiting for?

It's the end of the innocent...  Think your ready.